Let’s Talk…about communication
How many times have you been frustrated when speaking to people? You may have a very clear idea of what you want to say but for some reason or other, it is not what the other person hears.
The main idea to keep in mind is that we are all unique. There is not a single person in this world who has had the exact same experience as you; not even twins. Each person has unique experiences in the course of life that dictates how we attach meaning to certain words. Take a moment to close your eyes and think about a red ball. Did you think about a rubber ball, a clown’s nose, or even playing dodge ball as a child? Many people will have a different thought and sometimes a feeling associated with words. As we learn words, we create an association to better remember it.
Now think about someone you are able to communicate with smoothly. Do you have similar communication patterns? Often, you will find that you may communicate better if the person is: similar to you, communicates similarly to you, or is someone you value and respect. However, a wealth of knowledge is available if you can overcome the barriers of communication. There are several barriers to keep in mind, such as distraction (sometimes with concerns elsewhere, like work, family, or financial), defensiveness (feeling attacked personally), and physical (employees are in different buildings), to name a few. By recognizing potential barriers and removing those with techniques like: being fully present, having an open mind by not taking things personally, and holding important conversations in a quiet environment, you improve communication and can better understand another person’s perspective.
The first step to understanding communication is to know that the person or people you are speaking to may be different from you, especially if they are from a different generation or culture. Take the time to truly listen in order to get to know them, as well as to determine their communication style (see sidebar). If you can learn a person’s communication preference and speak in a manner they respond to, they will most likely hear you and communicate openly with you.
Above all, give people the right and the time to be heard; you will be amazed at what you find out. It may be the start of a better relationship, friendship, or partnership.
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Analytical: “ I need logic and data, not feelings.” This style efficiently looks at issues in a rational, problem-solving manner. Be brief, concise, and to the point.
Intuitive: “I like big ideas, not details.” This style challenges convention and thinks out-of-the-box. Communication should be stimulating, conceptual, and interesting.
Functional: “I like to think about each and every step of the process.” This style wants details so be thorough, accurate, and stay on topic.
Personal: “I like a personal approach and I am not only concerned by what you are saying, but also how you are saying it.” Communication should be cooperative and pleasant.
Adapted from Mark Murphy, at Forbes.com.