Let's Talk Relationship Abuse

Let’s Talk...Healthy, Unhealthy, or Abusive Relationships — Which one is it?

Relationships occur on a spectrum; they can be healthy, unhealthy, or abusive. In a healthy relationship, both partners are honest, trusting, and respectful to one another. Healthy relationships allow independence and welcome compromise. Partners support each other communicating their needs in the relationship.

While no relationship is perfect all the time, unhealthy relationships tend to exhibit patterns of problem behaviors. You may be in an unhealthy relationship if you find the following are patterns in your relationship: poor communication, lack of support, dishonesty, unfairness, feeling unheard, or always fighting. Volatility (feeling as though your relationship is a rollercoaster) and intensity early on in a relationship (excessive affection and attention) may also be warning signs that a relationship needs more healthy boundaries.

Also known as domestic violence, abusive relationships take many forms. Domestic violence can happen to both men and women and can also occur in same sex relationships. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) defines domestic violence as the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, or other abusive behavior by one partner as a way to gain power and control over another. It includes physical and/or sexual violence, threats, stalking, and economic, emotional, and/or psychological abuse.

Signs that you are in an abusive relationship include having a partner who communicates in hurtful ways, isolates you from others, controls who you talk to and where you go, accuses you of cheating when not true, and denies their actions are abusive or makes you question whether events actually happened.

If you think you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, there is help. Contact the UCLA Staff and Faculty Counseling Center at (310) 794-0245 for support and additional resources. Counseling services are free, voluntary, and confidential. Services are also available to adult immediate family members / significant others.