Let’s Talk…about relationships and trust

Let’s start by defining the relationships that need trust. All relationships need trust, even the relationships with your hairdresser, barber, dry cleaner, doctor, and yes, even valets. Without a certain level of trust, you wouldn’t let any of the aforementioned touch your hair, clothes, body, or car, respectively. The same especially holds true for intimate partners, family, friends, coworkers, and bosses. The levels of trust with others may be positive, vary, or be negative. It is so important to build trust in order to maintain effective relationships.

Though the most prominent violations of trust are: adultery, cheating, lying, breaking a promise, etc. The accumulations of less prominent betrayals equally damage otherwise strong relationships over time. In the workplace, these could be: being late on a deadline; promising or intending to do something and not doing it; gossip; not sharing information; blaming others; or even just having to ask for something over and over again without adequate response. In the home, these could be: forgetting to fix something when asked; not being honest about spending habits; concealing information; or not being able to rely on one another. These small “microbetrayals” can add up over time and trust levels can falter until you can no longer ignore them. You may no longer just feel disappointment, but rather betrayed by another that you thought you could trust.

You tend to hear the phrase “building trust” for a very good reason; it takes time and energy. The good news is that you can build or repair the trust in your relationships over time. To earn others trust you can change your own behavior by consistently aligning your intentions with your actions. In other words, “do what you said you would”. This is especially important for leaders or managers when a team relies on you to follow through on intentions or even promises. When you begin to live by your convictions, have the courage to be responsible for your shortcomings, show compassion for others’ shortcomings, and maintain a sense of community that changes your viewpoint from I to we, you begin to build a level of trust.

Reina, D. S., & Reina, M. L. (2015). Trust and betrayal in the workplace: Building effective relationships in your organization (3rd ed). Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers.

Did you know that the Staff and Faculty Counseling Center could assist you in developing your attitudes, your intentions, and your behaviors to foster trust in your relationships? Call us today at (310) 794-0245.